I went to Oxford in September and rode out to the accident site. As I looked around trying to recreate what I thought happened...a very peaceful feeling came over me. I knew that no matter what my mind told me happened that it didn't matter...This is where we lost Justin! My cousin, younger than me....the one that was supposed to out live me. As I looked down that ravine...I realized that God had a plan for Justin. HE needed him in Heaven with HIM! My heart ached and I just wanted to stay there and cry!!! I looked up and saw this beautiful cross with flowers on it marking the site and then this rock! Just an ordinary rock buried slightly in the dirt right in the tire tracks. I picked it up....not sure why but I felt like I needed it! That's when I felt Justin's presence!! A smile came across my face and I put that rock in my pocket! I got back in my car and as I was pulling away, I felt that Justin had let me know he was okay and he was at peace. I keep that rock in my car always. Sometimes I will get it and hold it, sometimes I will just look at it...but when I feel sad I hold that rock in my hand, turn up Kid Rock's song "ROLL ON" and just go driving. That's when I know Justin is riding there beside me telling me he loves me and everythings going to be ok!! I know Justin is gone from this earth but the one thing that keeps me going is that I know one day we will be together again!!! So for now....my memories, the rock and the song "ROLL ON" bring Justin to me in my heart just as if he is sitting there beside me......I love you Justin!!!!
I remember before christmas last year you told me one day that you needed to be at home for christmas because something had told you that every one would not be there for next christmas. I remember you saying I don't know " who" but something just tells me I need to be there christmas to see all the family. I also remember you and I talking almost every day around 5:30 you would call,it did not matter where either of us were,might not have been a lot to talk about,no more maybe than you saying just wanted to call see what you are doing and say "HI", I sure wish that I could just get at least one more call like that.I still wait for that call in the afternoons. I remember when you were only about six years old and you would go hunting with me and get tired and lay down in the deer stand and go to sleep we always knew to carry a sleeping bag with us.I remember your hand shakes,the look in your eyes when you were happy,sad and mad,the sound of your voice saying love ya,your goodby waive and your hugs. I have so many memories.I have the memory of my son.
Well, July 4th has come and gone but the memories of previous years are still fresh in my heart. It is July 4th...back in the 80's. The day would start with everyone cooking and playing outside. Just knowing the best part would be saved for later on....The Fireworks!! Sometime after lunch Justin and I would start getting our fireworks ready! He always had the coolest fireworks. We would start gathering bottles and whatnots to shoot fireworks out of. As soon as it even looked like the sun was going down we would start worrying our parents to no end about shooting them. As soon as they lit our pumps we were ready....crazy with excitement!! The colors were amazing and the loud "bangs" that scared everyone were so funny! It has been a very long time since Justin and I enjoyed those moments together but Friday when I heard the fireworks going off it reminded me of years back and the excitement that two little kids experienced! I miss you Justin everyday...but as these holidays roll around and the memories become so vivid of holidays from the past...you are missed so much more. Little things we all take for granted are now somehow the best memories of times I shared with you. Somehow when I heard those fireworks I felt as if they were from you and I could hear you say, "Look at that one!" Well, I did look and as I shut my eyes I felt you there beside me just like it was when we were young. My memories we shared keep you with me in my heart and soul...FOREVER!! I miss you and love you so very much!!
I remember when Justin had a hampster! He loved that hampster more than anything...he finally talked me into holding it. I was scared to death. Justin kept saying, "See Jen Jen, it won't bite!" When all of a sudden the stupid thing bit the mess out of me...I flung my hand and it went flying across the room. Justin was in a panic because he thought I had hurt his hampster. He was so upset with me..ha ha It stayed out for a few days but finally he found it. I will never forget the look on his face when he realized I had flung that hampster.....Priceless!!
